Today’s County Championship horror

Posted by
< 1 minute read

We were driving home tonight and one side of the road was closed, quite possibly as a result of the earth being thrown off its axis a bit last week.

There were so many people rushing home to catch the last three overs of the day that not all of our cars could get past the affected area before the temporary lights changed. As a result, many of us got stuck, blocking oncoming traffic.

To make matters worse, we then heard a siren. It was an ambulance and all the trapped cars had to somehow try and get out of the way. It was pandemonium.

As we pulled into a hedge, enraging a badger and inadvertently giving rise to untold subsequent destruction as a consequence, we realised why the ambulance was needed.

Clearly, one of the Lancashire-supporting ghosts that had newly arrived on this plane of existence had found out about the hundreds scored today by Shivnarine Chanderpaul and James Hildreth. Feeling understandably irate, it had chinned someone.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


    1. Pretty sure young Ian’s still with us, Ged. Nor is he the violent type.

      He’s the betting and pie-eating type.

    2. I do apologise. I thought you said “chined someone” and assumed that the spirit was making badger pie.

      You don’t need to be dead to have spirit.

  1. Enough of this hyperbole. It’s just got real, and it’s just got serious. This morning on my drive to work I saw a Manchester Evening News board outside a newsagent with the following emblazoned on it:

    “Lancashire’s County Championship Title Bid”

    Just think about that for a moment. Just think about it! These boards are there to attract people into the shop to buy a copy of the newspaper. And the bosses at the MEN felt that the BEST way to do this today was to mention The County Championship! They actually used The County Championship as a selling point, instead of a way to keep people away from the shop. And this, remember, is on a Tuesday in the football season when the paper would normally be full of stuff about what Arsene Wenger thinks about Wayne Rooney’s choice of deodorant. Unbelievable! I’ve certainly never seen the like.

  2. He wears adverts on his face
    He never seems to age
    He joined the title race
    Causing Lanky rage

    His stance is like a crab
    But when he hits the ball
    The Bears just cry out “Fab!”
    His name is Chanderpaul

  3. I see Warwickshire are still trying to play out a draw. Idiots. They have clearly assumed that Lancs won’t be able to get a first innings lead, and that therefore a draw will be enough, and futhermore that there is no need to keep checking the score from Taunton. But Lancs have shot Somerset out for a paltry 380, so a first innings lead for Lancs of 110 is now inevitable. On a 4th day pitch that is more than enough for The Kerriganator and The Keedyfier to bowl them out.

    We’re almost there, KC. Almost there.

  4. I see Vikram Solanki made a ton for Worcester today and kept them up almost single handedly. Oh, and where the hell is Steve Harmison? He has hardly played at all this season.

  5. It’s all going according to plan. KC. Lancs have 147 for 1 in 38 overs, the highest run-rate ever recorded in the County Championship. Meanwhile Warwickshire have 470-odd for 7, having completely forgotten that they need to win. They are still assuming that Lancs can’t win, and are clearly intending to bat for the next two days to set up the draw.

    Sky’s man-for-the-win Paul Allott, having moved earlier in the day towards Poole, in Dorset (yes, I’d recommend it very highly), is now driving back to Wookey Hole and Cheddar Gorge for a pleasant evening of sightseeing.

  6. Please don’t engage in rumour and innuendo, Bert.

    As KC says, we should focus on genuine, hard evidence.

    I had a drink after work with a client, now of Shropshire, originally of Lancashire.

    When I raised the subject of the County Championship he said, straight faced, “ah, so you are the person who follows the County Championship – I wondered who it was.”

    Such a dry sense of humour.

    But he then, oh so surreptitiously, checked something out on his tablet. He *said* he was checking out how to get to his hotel, but he was obviously checking out the Lancashire and Warwickshire scores.

    “That’s all I need to know”, he said.

    It was all I needed to know too.

Comments are closed.