Stop the press!
Our policy of bringing you news from the past can wait when there’s actual, real, brand-new news of this calibre: Andrew Flintoff can’t turn out for the England Lions because he’s got ‘a stomach bug’.
Always bringing you the stories within the stories, we at King Cricket can confirm that Flintoff is not merely suffering from ‘the shits’, he has actually been struck down by ‘the wild shits’.
Medical sources within the England camp have outlined how Flintoff may well be out of action for several days. A common-or-garden case of the shits can be successfully treated with rehydration salts dissolved in water. However, the wild shits can result in acute abdominal pain, repeated toilet trips over a longer period of time and ultimately severe weight loss.
Sufferers of the wild shits often report feeling like ‘there’s nothing left’.
Our thoughts go out to Flintoff at this time of crisis: If it makes you feel any better Freddie, a case of the wild shits will truly make a man of you.