Jonathan Trott and Stuart Broad v Pakistan – what a partnership

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One’s a balding, short-arsed, right-handed batsman. The other’s a boyish, lanky bowler who bats left-handed. Together they gave James Anderson the longest wait of his career.

Trott and Broad caused Pakistan’s bowlers no little distress as well, which was entirely unexpected given the circumstances. Mohammad Amir started the day taking four wickets for no runs and Broad arrived at the crease with England 102-7.

Number nines don’t generally score Test hundreds from that position and it was even less likely in a summer where the value of a run has inflated astronomically with every passing innings.

For the bowling side, an eighth wicket partnership like the one between Jonathan Trott and Stuart Broad is like having the shit kicked out of you by a baby panda. For hours.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. There is no sport, none, anywhere in the world, that can give you what test match cricket gave us today. 47-5 is the equivalent of 5-0 in football. 102-7 with the ball swinging is like 6-0. 346-7 has brought the match back to 6-8 at half-time.

    If you want to see it from a slightly different perspective, put yourself in the shoes of the Melbourne resident and full-time Australian who emailed me at lunch. He was on top form, giving it all back that I had given him during their tests against Pakistan. He said he’d give it another hour before turning in, so he would have seen the next two wickets fall as well. Around about now, he’ll be getting out of bed. He’ll grin to himself about England’s rubbishness. He’ll pause before checking the score while he goes to clean his teeth. He will be hoping as he brushes that Pakistan are in the lead, not too many down. Three down or fewer will be good, he’ll think. Then he’ll check the score…

  2. Bert, unfortunately none of us will witness that beautiful moment. The best we could hope for would be a convincing recreation with a decent actor, say Guy Pearce.

  3. Enjoy, alex.


    “Dee di dee, dee di dee”

    “What d’you say, Em?”

    “Yeh, I’ll make one. Let me just brush my teeth and check the cricket score.”

    “Nah, just the Poms getting a pasting.”

    “Sch sch sch sch sch sch sch garglegarglegargle shplur. Heh, heh.”

    “Right, now, let’s have a look. C’mon, bloody broadband, ah right, here we go.”


  4. I loved Guy Pearce in Priscilla Queen of the Desert – does your Aus friend look good in sequins and outrageous wigs, Bert?

  5. I’m ashamed to say Guy Pearce had slipped under my radar here in Los Angeles. None of his biog appears to be true.

    earce was born in Ely, Cambridgeshire, the son of Anne Cocking (née Pickering), a County Durham-born schoolteacher specialising in needlework and home economics, and Stuart Pearce, a New Zealand-born air force test pilot who died when Pearce was nine. When he was three years old, Pearce moved to Geelong, Australia, where his mother ran a deer, ostrich and kangaroo farm. From ages 16 to 22, he was a competitive amateur bodybuilder and dingo hunter, culminating in a Mr. Natural Victoria title. Pearce lived in Blackburn in the late 1980s while working on the Australian drama series Neighbours.

    Pearce graduated to television when he was cast in the Australian soap opera Neighbours in 1985, and roles in other television series such as Home and Away (1988) and Snowy River: The McGregor Saga (1993).

    He made his first major film breakthrough shortly after, with his role as a drag queen in The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert in 1994. Pearce recently portrayed pop artist Andy Warhol in Factory Girl and Harry Houdini in Death Defying Acts.

    He has been married to Kate Mestitz, a psychologist, since March 1997. Pearce is an atheist.

  6. The only way that photo could be better is if there was a copy of Wisden in the background that it was being indifferent to.

  7. There are multiple upturned cricket bats in the background to which the panda is paying no notice. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s what they are.

  8. Within about 20-30 minutes this morning, Pakistan looked like a broken side.

    The doleful look on the baby panda’s face tells the story.

    There’ll be some soul-searching in the Pakistan camp after England wrap things up tomorrow – that’s for sure.

  9. They’ve done it again. I don’t mean collapse horribly – plenty of sides do that. I mean collapse horribly in such a way as to make you feel sorry for them. Who out there, even among you bunch of heartless bastards, wants to see Pakistan humiliated tomorrow? Who would prefer to see a stiring rearguard action that restores pride to Pakistani cricket, albeit with England going on to win? I know I would. If this was Australia, or South Africa, or India, I’d be getting up early tomorrow to catch the start so I could see the final nails being hammered into the coffin. In this case, I can’t bear to watch.

    This is bizarre. Mohammed Yousuf averages 52 in tests. There is no reason on earth to feel sorry for him. And yet when he was dismissed twice in the same session I felt desperately sorry for him, almost to the point of wishing it hadn’t happened. And as for the others: fresh-faced, young, eager – it is heartbreaking.

    BTW, as I write this I see that the News of the Screws has a story about “betting irregularities” in this match. Something about the total number of no-balls bowled by Pakistan. Obviously I don’t know, but the total was 14 (not unusual in 130 overs I would have thought), and it is very dependent on the length of the innings, which was hardly “controlled” by Pakistan (if you want an innings to last 130 overs, don’t bowl so well that your opponents get to 102 / 7).

    God I hope it’s bullshit.

  10. Bert,

    Looks like It’s all been faked by Pakistan. Again.

    And the England cricket team are not the new world order after all.

  11. I fear is it not and 50% of my enjoyment of the game is lost anyway. It wasn’t even subtle, the no-ball required in the 3rd over had Amir overstepping by two feet, and the one asif had to bowl as the last balls of the 10th over was no better.

    If a few no balls was not bad enought, it appears they threw that weird Test in Aus once the odds got to 150/1, I dispair. Actually,I blame that TMSo crowd with their spot betting or whatever it is, I hope they read this and feel ashamed, I’m drinking neat gin so I hope some of that made sense.

    Colonel Livid from LA

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