Jonathan Trott is relentless

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< 1 minute read

Jonathan Trott is on holiday with his family. They decide to play table tennis – winner stays on.

After Trott has won the first 18 games, Mrs Trott quietly suggests that he might like to find a way to let the kids win a couple. Trott says no.

After 86 games, the family ask if they can stop and do something else instead. Trott says no.

Two weeks pass. The Trotts do nothing but play table tennis. Trott never drops a single game and the rest of the family are utterly demoralised by the experience. For his part, Trott feels immense satisfaction with his performance.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. If I was an English test cricket fan, I’d be chuffed to bits with him.

    I don’t want to watch him or Cook though unless I am having trouble sleeping.

  2. All nations produce the occasional barnacle batsman like this:

    India – Rahul Dravid,
    Pakistan – Mohammad Yousuf,
    Sri Lanka – Marvan Atapattu,
    West Indies – Shiv Chanderpaul,
    England – Geoffrey Boycott, Chris Tavare, Trevor Bailey…,
    South Africa – Gary Kirsten, Jacques Kallis, Neil McKenzie…

    OK, some nations produce them more often than others.

    1. Is it really fair to name all modern batsmen except for England, whose examples of dourness need to come from the 1980s and backward?

      Or is it simply a result of there not being enough English batsmen in the last 20 to stay at the crease long enough for dourness to be noted?

      At any rate, you have surely missed off our true soporific superiors from New Zealand?

  3. you know you’re doing something right when sir geoffrey slams you for slow scoring.
    pot. kettle. boycott.

  4. I don’t like seeing GB’s name alongside reasonable human beings in any list. Here are some more lists:

    Players whose natural game is to score slowly:

    Players whose natural game is to score slowly and who will do that irrespective of the state of the match and the captain’s wishes baceause frankly they could not give even the smallest toss about the result as their precious average is all they have ever cared about:

    Players whose natural game is to score slowly and who wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire if it meant risking a drop in their average:

    Slow-scoring players who have made double centuries in tests:

    Slow-scoring players who have made double centuries in tests and then been banned from batting in the second innings by their own captain for being such a tosser:

    And then been dropped for the next match as well, also for being a tosser:

  5. Dravid may be slow scoring but he’s never an eyesore. A Dravid forward defensive prod is a sight worth killing for.
    A Trott defensive shot only induces an urge to kill the principal involved.

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