Shane Watson v England

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Shane Watson and his floppy tool

Australia might have had a better chance in the first Twenty20 international if 10 of them hadn’t been shit.

The 11th player, Shane Watson, has suddenly found a world where hitting fifties and bowling straight medium-pace is quite handy. If he’d have found a competent team mate, Australia would have won.

They might also have won if they’d bothered catching anything in the first couple of overs of England’s innings. Our mate says they’ve been spending too much time with their hands in the boxes of chicken provided by Australian cricket’s official ‘restaurant’, KFC.

Anyway, England win again. It was exciting, but five minutes later we’re more interested in how our own chicken’s getting on in the crock pot. Only six hours to go…


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. I quibble with ’10’ since Cam White inexplicably put Tim Paine so far down the order he didn’t get to bat. Which: ridiculous.

  2. New development for T20, Sam. There hadn’t been one for ten minutes, and the organisers thought that the fans might start to lose interest. Anyway, the idea is that the bats explode into pieces if a shot is not interesting enough. In this case, even though Watson hit a boundary, he didn’t do it while dancing a jig on one leg. The technology inside the bat reacted, the bat exploded, and the fans’ brains were kept at the feverish level of excitement that is required for them to avoid noticing that the cricket is shit.

  3. You may or may not believe this Bert, but that’s pretty much word for word the conversation a mate of mine and I had in the pub a couple of years ago.

    I think we added that whenever the wickets were hit, the stumps fired several hundred feet into the air as they were actually rockets.

  4. Wouldn’t it be far better if we put a device inside Watson that would make him lose all bladder control so every time he doesn’t hit a boundary, he starts pissing uncontrollably?

  5. It wasn’t bad, Joe, but we think we might cook it dry next time. Hopefully it’ll go all melty and sticky in its own juices.

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