Tag: Jade Dernbach

Death by seam bowling

So close to conceding five runs or fewer off that delivery

We’re not in favour of demonising individuals. But three runs, Jade. Three runs. That’s all that was in it.

Couldn’t someone have saved three runs somewhere along the way? Maybe Jos Buttler’s missed stumping proved costly. Would a specialist wicketkeeper have made the difference, or would that merely have meant a few more overs of AB de Villiers?

But it’s hard to look past England’s bowling as being the reason for defeat and specifically the death bowling. England like to go with fast-medium. We’re not sure that’s the right choice.

It’s hard to weigh the statistics being as bowling in the powerplay and at the end tends to mean going for more runs than those who bowl in the middle no matter how well you perform. At the same time, England’s most expensive bowlers in this tournament have been Tim Bresnan, Stuart Broad and Jade Dernbach. In fact, over a 34-match Twenty20 international career, Dernbach has conceded on average 8.71 runs an over. That’s a big enough sample to draw conclusions, no?

Also, look at the most economical bowlers in the tournament so far: Mahmudullah, Narine, Shakib al Hasan, Ashwin, Mishra – these are all spinners. Santokie, Malinga and Steyn have been the only seamers to have much success and yet Tredwell, Moeen Ali and the medium-pace of Ravi Bopara haven’t bowled a right lot for England. It doesn’t feel like they’ve been playing the odds.

Would these bowlers have done better than the seamers at the death? They couldn’t have done much worse.


Jade Dernbach bowls two balls the same

[Caption censored]

When a sweaty-palmed Jade Dernbach bowled a wide with West Indies needing seven to win off one delivery, it was easy to forget that his opening spell had been sort of all right.

It’s not a big thing, but it’s definitely progress. Someone seems to have persuaded Dernbach that variations are only such when they vary from something. His first delivery took a wicket, his first over was a maiden, but the real achievement was that those six balls were all roughly the same as each other.

Clearly they’re going to keep picking him – there’s nothing we can do about it – so we might as well try and support him, at least for the next few weeks. If that means refraining from commenting on embarrassing, dry-humping wicket celebrations which are entirely out of proportion for a dead rubber in a warm-up series, then so be it.


Jade Dernbach – where do we all stand on this at the minute?

Jade Dernbach, doing arm and non-doing arm

Back when everyone was going mental about Jade Dernbach and his ‘variations’ we pointed out that he was essentially half a bowler. He did the eye-catching things well, but he was fairly useless at the everyday stuff that’s equally important. Shortly after that, we argued that he shouldn’t be dropped, even though we still felt the same about him.

We’re not quite sure where we stand now. This is largely because people are turning on him and our immediate reaction is therefore to take the exact opposite stance so that we can distance ourself from them. It is never good to be on the same side as ‘people’. That’s how pretty much all the worst things in history happened.

This is a tricky position to be in, however, because Jade doesn’t actually seem to have learnt an enormous amount since last year, which was pretty much our entire reasoning for keeping him in the side. Instead, he seems to have become even more like a human coin toss. Heads is conceding 12 off the over. Tails is a wicket with a back-of-the-hand slower ball. The coin will never land on its edge.

You can’t plan with a bowler like that. He’s either a secret weapon or a complete liability at any given moment and there’s no real way of identifying which. If we could rebrand him ‘the last roll of the dice’ and bring him on as a substitute when the game was all but lost, that would be ideal. But it doesn’t work like that. Pick him and you’re committed to at least a few overs. If you’re going well, those few overs can undo plenty of good work.

Where do you stand on this? Is he a cad and a bounder and should we beware his dandy ways as we warned all those years ago?


Why England shouldn’t drop Jade Dernbach

We’ve spent the day badmouthing Jade Dernbach and we’ve previously written that his ‘variations’ often blind people to his deficiencies, but despite both of those things, we still don’t think England should drop him.

Why? He’s shit

No, he isn’t. Calm down.

Jade may have looked pretty shit while bowling slower ball wides and beamers in his final, crucial over against India, but his face told of a man struggling to keep it together.

So he’s shit then

No. Jesus. What’s with you?

Jade Dernbach isn’t the earl of modern one-day bowling, as he was portrayed during the summer, but nor is he shit. He’s a skilful bowler who hasn’t played in front of tens of thousands of roaring fans in India many times before. That’s a tough experience and he went a bit flaky.

Like any normal person feeling that way, he retreated to what he knows best. For us, this would be some sort of social isolation. For Jade Dernbach, it’s his ‘variations’. They’re his strength. They’re what got him into the England side. No matter that they’re going all over the park – if he hasn’t got them, what has he got?

Did I miss the part about why he shouldn’t be dropped?

Dropping him means starting again. Dernbach should be stronger for the experience, whereas Stuart Meaker still has to walk that particular potholed road. Dropping him means wasting today’s experience.

If England truly think Dernbach has qualities they’re looking for – and they do – then they need to condition his brain so that those qualities are more reliably accessible. He has to have these shit games to learn from them – the learning part is non-negotiable, however.

But what if he costs England the next game?

England are 3-0 down in a five-match one-day series that’s taking place a few months after the World Cup. Be honest, how much do you honestly care about this series?

This is the perfect time to test English one-day players. To them, it’ll feel like they’re playing under immense pressure, but none of their supporters will actually be heartbroken should England go down in a blaze of apparent ineptitude.

England have seven one-dayers in India next winter. It is worth persevering with someone. We’re trusting England’s selectors that Dernbach is that someone.

On the same subject, Craig Kieswetter is a little further into his international career, so we’re not sure to what extent the above also applies to him. All we will say is that his keeping today did smack more of meltdown than inability. Make of that what you will.


Are you convinced by Jade Dernbach and his variations?

Jade Dernbach celebrates the existence of stumps and bails

We’re not making a point of criticising England’s newer bowlers. We’re just pointing out that we aren’t living in a bounteous land of champagne fountains and gold furniture. Players are being talked about as if they’re staggeringly gifted when they’re not.

The English treat one-day cricket like some mystical oddity. ‘There must be some secret behind 50-over cricket or why else are we so perennially gash at it?’ we think to ourselves.

If you conclude that the secret is all to do with reverse sweeps and slower balls, a player like Dernbach can seem like the answer to your prayers. What he does is eye-catching. A 75mph off-cutter slower ball is followed by a 65mph back-of-the-hand slower ball and then a 90mph in-swinging yorker. He’s mixing it up. He’s keeping the batsman guessing. It’s the future of cricket.

And yet is it? Dernbach is clearly a talented bowler, and we’re in favour of his playing more one-day cricket, but the notion that England’s one-day bowling attack is suddenly built around him just doesn’t stack up for us.

Various commentators and pundits were oohing and ahhing about his ‘variations’ during the one-day series against India. No-one seemed to notice that he took four wickets in as many matches and went at seven an over. Powerplays and rain reductions make that hard to properly analyse, but it ain’t earth shattering.

It seems like many focus on the eye-catching headline qualities of Dernbach and don’t evaluate the whole article. He’s talented and seems to cope okay with nervy situations, but he’s a long way from being Malcolm Marshall.


Jade Dernbach chooses to use his ‘doing arm’

Thanks to Sam for pointing this out – although he did make the mistake of saying “Jade Dernbach has got a tattoo on his doing arm,” which is not quite correct.

In reality, the tattoo DENOTES the doing arm. Dernbach is merely acknowledging this by choosing to bowl right-handed – something Mitchell Johnson could learn from.


Who is Jade Dernbach?

He is both a cad and a bounder and you should beware his dandy ways. We’d say that Jade was a girl’s name if it were, in fact, a name at all.

24 first-class wickets at 40.62 and somehow he bowled Rob Key first ball.

Some facts about Jade Dernbach:

(1) His nickname is obviously – and also correctly – ‘Dirtbag’.
(2) He looks like a gone-to-seed Cristiano Ronaldo, only far less ugly.
(3) He would spend his last £10 on hair products. FACT.

One other fact that we like is that according to Cricinfo he was educated by St John the Baptist. At least that’s the way we’re choosing to read it, even if it is factually inaccurate.


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