Who is Jade Dernbach?

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< 1 minute read

He is both a cad and a bounder and you should beware his dandy ways. We’d say that Jade was a girl’s name if it were, in fact, a name at all.

24 first-class wickets at 40.62 and somehow he bowled Rob Key first ball.

Some facts about Jade Dernbach:

(1) His nickname is obviously – and also correctly – ‘Dirtbag’.
(2) He looks like a gone-to-seed Cristiano Ronaldo, only far less ugly.
(3) He would spend his last £10 on hair products. FACT.

One other fact that we like is that according to Cricinfo he was educated by St John the Baptist. At least that’s the way we’re choosing to read it, even if it is factually inaccurate.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. He worked as a builder – a hod-carrier – in the off-season.

    Not sure that helps anyone but it is true.

  2. Pah!

    He also threw a pathetic hissy fit at King Azhar of Mahmood last week down at Canterbury.

    Double Dirtbag.

  3. And he has a girl’s name.


    (am feeling particularly adult today…)

  4. Looks like his £10 worth of hair products would last all of a day.

    Girl’s name and hairspray – girlie girl!

  5. But he did work as a builder, which makes him manly. So he is both manly and girly. That’s so confusing – like Lola.

    Maybe he is Lola. L. O. L. A. Lola – the big girl

  6. Dame Nelly Mel met him once – and he grasped her hand and husked “Pleasure” at her but as she was only there to gaze at the Surrey Dancing Pensioner she was unimpressed

  7. Jade. It’s a pretty hard name, if you think about it. Like Ruby.

    Oi, Ceci, leave Rampletoes alone!

  8. My daughter likes Jade Dernbach – but then she also likes McFly and High School Musical, so is perhaps not the best judge of character yet.

  9. ….although no-one has ever said ‘Pleasure’ to me in quite the way that Jade did. I suspect it serves him well in Chinawhite or wherever the Surrey team hang out on a night off.

  10. He’s also in my list of cricketers likely to half inch your tv, along with Joe Denly and Chris Taylor.

    On the girls name vibe, I’d be looking more along the Boy Named Sue lines, but then everyone else here is a palestine…

  11. Was he educated by John the Baptist before or after his decapitation, do you think?

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