The Durham bowling attack

We’ve come up with an ingenious plan that will make England’s bowling attack the envy of the world: tell each of the bowlers that he’s playing for Durham.

Seriously. Tell someone – anyone – that they’re playing for Durham and they’ll take wickets. The presenters of Loose Women could take wickets in Durham shirts. Higgins from Magnum PI could get a five-fer.

Hell, even Ajit Agarkar could take wickets for Durham, just hand him the ball and point him at the stumps and he’d flatten batting line-ups like a steamroller flattens a plasticine Matthew Hayden voodoo doll.

Who’s Durham’s most successful bowler thus far this season? It’s impossible to tell.

Steve Harmison maybe, with 29 wickets at 23.10? That would be good enough for most sides.

Liam Plunkett’s just come back. He’s taken 6 wickets at 19.83. Mark Davies is doing Mark Davies things – 15 wickets at 21.93. Graham Onions has 13 wickets at 14.15.

That’s one whole overperforming bowling attack already, but there’s more. Ben Harmison has chipped in with nine wickets at 23.55 and Paul Collingwood has five at 12.40.

Callum Thorp - likes sunglasses, hates sun creamBut still we’re not done. There’s also Callum Thorp.

Callum Thorp is a 33-year-old Australian who’s played just 28 first-class matches. In that time he’s taken 79 wickets. To put that in context, Steve Harmison, at 29, has taken 572. Even Paul Collingwood’s cracked 100.

Callum Thorp has taken 20 of his 79 wickets this season at an average of 17.65.

Someone tell us, does the Chester-le-Street pitch resemble that bit in our garden where we had a go at returfing?

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17 Appeals

  1. Sarah, Canterbury

    July 2, 2008 at 2:32 pm

    I think Ceci loved you anyway, KC, but this will just propel her fervent admiration into overdrive!

    Erm, aren’t we playing Durham next? Hmmm…..

  2. Who the hell is Callum Thorp?

    He has freaky eyes.

    Kill it.

  3. Durham are magic – that’s all

    And Thorp is an Aussie – of course he has freaky eyes

  4. Ooo – and Durham also have a little leggie called Scott Borthwick who has modelled himself on the Warne (but with better mobile phone skills) and got 3 for 23 in his first outing for first team

  5. We were top of the league – for about half a day. We produce spinners, seamers, quicks and the odd South African batsman.

    And Borthwick was my grandmother’s maiden name, so maybe i am related.

    Aren’t you a legspinner KC?

  6. King Cricket

    July 2, 2008 at 6:17 pm

    Less of the present tense, D Charlton.

  7. Isn’t Jrod a leggie too? Suave, I assume, is an ENRAGED and FURIOUS fast bowler in the Nel mould, Spig will be an irate medium pacer always looking for an argument… what of other bloggers? (it goes without saying that Lentheyorkshirekitman will be a forward defensive prodder par excellence)

  8. I am technially a medium pace bowler. I am actually a “just get it down the other end, hit him if you can” bowler, but then I’ve never bowled in anger. I have batted in anger and that was very much the defensive prodder – i survived 20 balls without getting out. awesome.

  9. I wonder if a medium pace bowler is the cricketing world’s equivalent to a mezzo-soprano.

  10. I appear to have escaped school with the important bits in tact, with child to prove it, so hopefully not.

  11. King Cricket

    July 2, 2008 at 9:41 pm

    You’re thinking of a mezzo-soprano castrato.

    A mezzo-soprano is a kind of mafioso first course.

  12. Oooohhhh er! KC you have written something about Durham when I’m having a full on Van de Wath moment [Middlesex v his 12 wicket bonanza ] – and strangely now also looking forward to a summer of weird saffer bowlers. [and yes I’m worried!]

    Obviously I did think about Durham when he was bowling, is JJ telepathic?

    Durham bowlers can be horribly good away from the chill of the north too, so less of that Chester-le-Street envey!

    Spigot you’re thinking of castrato, perhaps that’s what Thorpy thinks about when being photographed? Either that or he’s related to a mole and has no eyes!

  13. I thought a dodgy-actioned spinner was the equivalent of a castrato.

    No balls.

  14. Leg Spinners make the best bloggers, or at least the TWC award winning ones.

  15. Very good Miriam, very good…

  16. And do you actually get an award from TWC, Jrod, or just glory and honour?

  17. Ceci. I only bowl in the nets nowadays, as I am a shockingly shite offie.

    But I am a rage fuelled lower middle order slogger, in the Graham Napier mould.

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