Stuart Broad has published a photograph
Please take a look at it by clicking here (opens in new tab).
We believe this photo provides a window into the future, even though it was actually taken in the past. It’s hard to put your finger on exactly what it is, but basically most of the people in it look like dads.
Matt Prior is comfortably successful, middle-aged spread dad. Ian Bell is his son.
Stuart Broad is with his dad, Graham Onions. Graham has had a mid-life crisis and therefore always wears a leather jacket, even when it is manifestly inappropriate to do so.
Jimmy Anderson is looking awkward and holding a pashmina shawl for his wife while she catches up with her friends. He doesn’t really know what to do with himself, so he just stands there.
Alastair Cook is the weirdest of all. He is sleazy lothario dad. He wears lurid shirts to complement his permatan and he always leaves a couple of buttons undone.
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The King Cricket mug implies that its owner is fully cool
I don’t like him. This conclusion has been derived by looking at him from an angle of thirty seven degrees and concluding that he’s a sleazeball.
Excellent work deconstructing the characters in the picture, KC! Though I’d say Graham does look rather dapper in that leather suit.
Daisy is with Deep Cower on this one.
Her “dapper award” goes to the boy Onions too.
Who’s the guy between Onions and Anderson? He doesn’t look like he was meant to be part of the picture…
That’s Ottis Gibson.
Ottis is photobombing
And yeah, Cook looks sleazy as hell there.
Actually the photo was taken at the annual convention of The National Association of Double Glazing Salesfolk.
They held an hilarious competition in which members competed for the cricketer lookalike award.
The winner was the geezer on the far right, who was deemed to be the spitting image of Glen Chapple.
Oh per-lease! Call yourself cricket fans??! Far right man is Mike Powell.
Abergavenny Mike Powell, not Bolton Mike Powell for the sake of clarity.
Thank you for the clarification, KC. I did indeed mean Abergavenny Mike Powell!
I vehemently refute the sleazeball assessment, incidentally! He’s a very, very nice bloke.
*Stares into empty space, twirls ‘stache*
If one cannot make snap judgments about strangers, then wherefore the internet?
But seriously, sorry Sarah. I have been tricked into this. KC is a devious bastard. Let’s burn his effigy.
Is Bolton Mike Powell the same as former Warwickshire captain Mike Powell?
He was called up to an England touring squad once as a reserve batsman. Legend has it they got the wrong Mike Powell.
And when I say legend, I mean my dad.
I can’t be too mean to KC, Deep Cower. He’s quite a nice chap in spite of his anti Division 2 bias.
Speaking of which, rather looking forward to seeing how that pans out next season!
Oh no she didn’t
Suspect that’s Alastair’s pajama top under his rumpled jacket. Clearly didn’t hear alarm call for the photoshoot. And is that the back of Colly’s head on the left – he must be holding a pint glass and therefore excluded from the ECB approved half pint maximum
I’ve never seen a cricketer look good in a suit so full points to Onions for the jacket.
Cook is certainly doing it best to make it work, though.
‘it’ being ‘his’, to be sure.
Jimmy’s tie is ruddy awful.