< 1 minute readAs promised, here is the first installment of our new feature where readers ask delusional sociopath, Laurence Elderbrook, whatever question they want and he rambles on about himself for a bit in response. If you’ve a question for the turgid buffoon, email us. First up, Lisa: Is your genius as
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Kent v Surrey match report
2 minute readJRod writes: The day started well. I caught the bus to Victoria Station, sat up top and wasn’t stabbed. At Victoria station things started to go bad. I had to wait 15 minutes to find out which platform my train was on, only to find out it was to be
Continue readingNottinghamshire v Durham Pro40 match report
< 1 minute readJo-Fitz writes: The eagerly awaited official switching-on of our new floodlights. Rain. Bugger. Not enough rain to get rained off (unfortunately, given the eventual result) but enough to turn the match into a mutant spawn ThirtyFive25. I arrived at half time (sorry, came over all 5Live there) and marvelled at
Continue readingIndia practice ‘clown tactics’
< 1 minute read“So I curl up behind him like this and then you give him a shove.” India’s clown tactics were all well and good in theory, but when it came to carrying them out with an actual batsman present, everyone got confused and Sourav Ganguly ended up with a black eye.
Continue readingLaurence prepares for a nailbiter
2 minute readIt is the final match of the season. We have to win and I have been entrusted with the pivotal number 11 slot. As the last batsman, all will hinge on my performance. Our opponents bat first and I am permitted to field from the dressing room, where I can
Continue readingSurrey v Northamptonshire match report
2 minute readMarmazet writes: When I arrived at Oval tube station, I had a sudden and horrible realisation that I had forgotten to buy my lunch at the local shop. Eating a BLT and crisps is the main reason for going to the cricket really, cos my mum would probably make some
Continue readingLaurence shows his mental strength
2 minute readI am due to bat at number 10. How can I impose my will on the game from there? What is the point? When the time comes for Laurence Elderbrook to take his stage, I am fast asleep. Roused by a team mate, I lash out with an arm to
Continue readingCar Colston v Thurgaton match report
< 1 minute readJo Fitz writes: Here’s the match report as seen from the perspective of an umpire. Car Colston is a village just east of Nottingham that centres on its cricket pitch. Pavilion on one side, pub on the other. The pitch has the “Big House” end and the “cow” end. A
Continue readingLaurence embraces the lower order
< 1 minute readFor some reason I am being asked to bat at nine. I don’t know why. I sit and watch our innings with the haunted air of the disenchanted. After what seems like weeks, it is my turn to bat. The time has come for Laurence Elderbrook to take his stage.
Continue readingSouth Africa v England Lions match report
< 1 minute readLemon Bella writes: Indian Skimmer and I went to see South Africa against the England Lions at Grace Road. Upon arriving at the ground, we spent twenty minutes trying to find a cup of coffee. Eventually we had to ask someone else who had a cup. In retrospect, we should
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