Two cricket bats in unusually horrifying places

Nonononono. This is not happening. This is NOT happening. This is NOT… HAPPENING.

Remember the worst picture of all time? Now this is the worst picture of all time:

FUCKNUTS!

It was sent in by Suave, who says:

“Attached is a photo of cricket bats in unusual places. It has two stuffed weasels with it. That’s gold that is.

“It was taken in a rather poncey wine bar in Norwich, called the Wine Cellar. I was drinking a nice Pouilly Fumé at the time, and noticed this lovely display in the corner. I thought you might like it.”

No we don’t. We don’t like it one bit. We’re shivering just looking at it. Just look at the creepy little bastards – THEY’RE ACTUALLY READY TO POUNCE.

We only got the damned fox off the front page of the site yesterday and now this.

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19 Appeals

  1. I love that you have two readers who chanced upon the one thing that scares you half to death.

    How did you know I was on Twitter? Good of you to add that as the link, that republican shit is very lackadaisical at present.

  2. Why doesn’t this site every mention Transformers any more? I like Transformers. I don’t like rodents in fish tanks or scary looking foxes next to luggage.

  3. King Cricket

    May 13, 2009 at 10:55 pm

    Ed, no-one likes it. We just have to endure it.

    Suave, we know everything – except why you love that we’re scared.

  4. I love it, because at heart I’m still a republican dissident, and that means we have to keep the nobility on it’s toes. Also, I’m a sadistic bastard.

  5. I love the artist’s thought process that goes into these things:

    OK, so we’ve got a glass case with two old cricket bats in the corners. I know, why don’t we enhance it by putting two stuffed ferrets in front. Yes, that will make it better.

  6. Just to add..

    There’s no glass in front of the creepy little feckers.

    The headrest of the seats in front is inches away from their sharp teeth and claws.

    One of the bats was also signed by Alec Bedser. I don’t know whether that makes it more or less scary.

  7. Isn’t Alex Bedser currently the oldest living English test player? Quick, get him to sign the other one before it’s too late.

  8. Fuck it, wait til he dies, stuff him, and then reacquaint him with his bat.

    Stuffed Alec Bedser holding his original 1920’s bat, whilst standing next to his trusty stuffed ferrets/weasels of the damned. That would send this from gold to platinum.

    Sweet dreams your highness.

  9. This is evil. If anyone is ever in any doubt as to where the line is drawn between “not quite ok” and “horrible and evil”, then this is what to show them.

  10. Blimey can’t leave you lot alone for a minute! *Sigh*
    The beasts look to be stoats! Jesus if you are going to do your nut about these things – attention to detail please!

    Ed none of the animals mentioned are rodents – they are all carnivores – they eat rodents for breakfast.

    KC – I have a dead weasel so I know a weasel when I see one – so does my partner. when we were becoming acquainted he presented me with a skinned roadkill victim as a token of esteem. I have to say I was impressed. We are still together 13 years later. [I’ve just checked – it’s still resplendent in its Harrods tin – it is safely well away from the cricket bat – so no photo!]

  11. the librarian

    May 14, 2009 at 1:49 am

    Mustelids

  12. Brings new meaning to my mental images of “Wind in the Willows”

  13. King Cricket

    May 14, 2009 at 9:03 am

    There’s no glass? How bad can this possibly get?

    As for the skinned weasel in a tin – are we missing something?

  14. wasn’t alec bedser a bowler?

    isn’t that the real issue here?

  15. He was Sam, a rather fine one at that. He would still have been required to bat, and with an average of 12.75 would have made a handy no8/9.

    Alas, there were no balls at the auctioneers, when poncey fella went a buying.

    There were however, lots of dead animals, staring menacingly.

  16. I quite liked the fox character – he reminded me of Chris Tavare. This photo though is defintely sinister, why does the cabinet seem to be the only source of light in the entire wine bar?

  17. How manifold are the signs of love that a woman who treasures Davies the Viking’s cricket shirt should also treasure a skinned weasel.

    Would you have been happier O king if the stoats/weasels/ferrets had been wearing little coats and pantaloons a la Beatrix Potter?

  18. It looks as thought the ball has gone down a hole and the weasels are debating the merits of calling “Lost Ball” and thus forfeiting 5 runs plus all the runs actually, well, run by the batsmen so far….

    This sort of thing happens quite often when I’m umpiring. That’s what you get for letting small woodland animals join the local league. They have all sorts of awkward rules about fast bowling and helmets too…..

  19. King Cricket

    May 14, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    Ceci, they’d seem less likely to move, but creepier at the same time.

    On balance, we have no opinion, because thinking about it is far too disturbing.

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