Steve Smith: the most despicable cricketer in the entire world

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Steve Smith (via ICC video)

2019 Cricket World Cup, Game 4, Afghanistan v Australia

Steve Smith is many things to many people. To us, he’s the most despicable cricketer in the entire world. You probably think it’s the sandpaper thing. Or maybe you think it’s the lying about sandpaper thing.

Let us tell you right now: it’s neither of those things.

Steve Smith is a man whose lust for batting has resulted in some extraordinarily major character defects. All that time he’s spent honing his demented technique is time he hasn’t spent learning how to be a half-decent person.

You’re thinking of the sandpaper again, but it barely warrants a podium position. Here are two things that are infinitely worse than the sandpaper.

First, the most sickening lack of empathy we’ve ever heard about.

Matt Renshaw was playing cricket for Australia when he was struck down by a bout of the wild shits. As he was running off the pitch because he was about to smear his undercrackers in front of millions of people, Smith stopped him and made him come back and speak to the umpires.

Renshaw said: “He’s like, ‘what are you doing?’ I’m like, ‘mate, I need to go to the toilet’, and he’s like, ‘no, no, no, come back with me.’”

That’s just inhuman. But it gets worse. Today Steve Smith ran out Mohammad Nabi.


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  1. He’s not just crossed the line; Smith has driven a coach and horses through it.

    The man has no soul.

    1. This may be whimsical of me, but I was hoping the carriage might be pulled by a more stereotype-compliant beast.

      Smith crossing the line on a carriage pulled by a team of trained kangaroos, perhaps? Or a flock of cassowaries?

  2. So, who is going to give us the first close match of this World Cup?

    Apart from a short period of doubt over lunch as to whether England had gone big enough, the whole affair has been sadly lacking in tension – despite the ICC’s best efforts to rid the early stages of the tournament of the mismatched walkovers that marred previous editions. I wonder if this, rather than the broadcast-unfriendly timings, is what will finish 50-over cricket off?

      1. My cricket-obsessed Indian mate had been really disappointed at how one-sided these first four matches have been. But he might cheer up if India are the beneficiaries of a few good wins.

      2. I was also worried the answer might be “South Africa and Bangladesh” so had to get my moan in before they spoiled it…

  3. Two batey thoughts on Steve Smith:

    I bet the cornflakes creep out of his bowl in the morning.

    Today’s cock is tommorrow’s feather duster.

  4. I feel like I might have been too brusque with my comments on Smith. On the positive side, one thing we can say about him is that he’s a lifelong person.

  5. There’s only one way to deal with comments like Norby’s… and that’s to say:

    i have a big dick so play cricket snooker with my dick (dick snooker).

    by the way im baldy.

    1. D, good to hear from you again. And an excellent reference to boot. But would you mind, just for old times’ sake, you know, discarding Norby. For me. I’d be tremendously grateful.

  6. Hmph. Well, that was a bit of an anticlimax (… unless of course one is a Pakistan supporter)

    Goes to show how much the game has changed – and what sort of aura Buttler has about him – that even with 60-odd to get from not many balls, they still looked for it… as long as Buttler was at the crease. As soon as he got out, that was it really

  7. Just when it looked like Sri Lanka might set something Afghanistan wouldn’t be able to chase, Nabi happened.

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