< 1 minute read Pre-Ashes analysis tends to treat the players as if they’re machines. If it swings, Jimmy Anderson will be great; if it doesn’t, he’s screwed. Alastair Cook has a technical weakness. He’ll score no runs. But cricket doesn’t work like that. For one thing, pretty much everybody’s shitting themself of the
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A fact and a question from the Gabba
< 1 minute read What we learnt last night: Stew is not a stimulant And here’s a question for you: Shouldn’t Mitchell Johnson’s tattooed arm be ‘the doing arm’?
Continue readingPeter Siddle takes an Ashes hat trick at the Gabba
< 1 minute read With his Ming the Merciless collar and his mercilessly minging face, Peter Siddle barrelled in and dismissed Alastair Cook, Matt Prior and Stuart Broad in successive balls. We got through the experience by pretending it was a cartoon. Siddle looks like a cartoon character somehow.
Continue readingTwitter coverage of day one of the Ashes
< 1 minute read If anyone is staying up for day one of the Ashes tonight, we’ll be covering all the important stuff via Twitter. Here is a list of our intended topics: What we’re eating What we’re drinking Why the world’s sudden, wrong-headed obsession with naps is sickening If there is anything else
Continue readingChecking the scorecard in the morning
< 1 minute read The Ashes starts at midnight and Bert has a problem. He’s got work, so can’t stay up and he dreads being confronted with an end of play scorecard in the morning. He describes how you are introduced to disaster gradually while watching live. “By the time 113 arrives, eight down,
Continue readingAshes contradictions and how we think the series might pan out
< 1 minute read We have written a piece for Cricinfo about how we are massively pessimistic about England’s chances no matter what the evidence in front of us. We have also said that England will win 3-2 over at World Cricket Watch. The truth is that we are pessimistic by default, but hate
Continue readingIs the lead-up to the Ashes the best bit?
< 1 minute read We sometimes wonder, because in a way, it’s when Test cricket’s shown at its best. No-one’s actually playing, but the fact that we still have so much to talk about despite that highlights what makes Test cricket better than every other sport. Even luge. Will the humidity in Brisbane aid
Continue readingHow many times will England become airborne?
< 1 minute read We only ask because they’re hitting the ground running with alarming frequency. After Ben Hilfenhaus looked forward to a sprint landing last week, some of you questioned our assertion that cricketers no longer know what ‘hit the ground running’ means. Well, consider this new evidence. England’s captain’s had a go
Continue readingLooking too far forward to the Ashes
3 minute read If England are playing cricket, we’re supporting them. That’s the rule. However, if it came down to it, we’re wondering whether a Pakistan win in the third Test might not be the worst thing in the world. Why? Because of the Ashes. It’s almost Monday We know someone who sometimes
Continue readingWhy Australia lost the Ashes
< 1 minute read The thing about Australians is that when it comes to the crunch situations, they’ve got no backbone. It’s because of how they’re brought up. They’ve got a gentle, sunny climate, they’ve got a high standard of living and they’re all too well off. They don’t have to endure any hardships,
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