< 1 minute read We’re not in the habit of being even-handed when it comes to Hayden. Why should we extend the courtesy of context to him when he never once apologises for being Matthew Hayden. “At the end of the day, two alpha dogs are never going to sit in a cage and
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Matthew Hayden: the gift that keeps on giving
< 1 minute read Only the gift is a poo in a box and it keeps jumping up and punching you in the face, leaving you bruised and faecal. Eventually the poo knocks you out, whereupon it steals all your money and forces you to dance naked in the car park at work in
Continue readingMatthew Hayden back for Australia
< 1 minute read This is good news, because when he’s not playing he can’t fail and humiliate himself. We don’t think it’s any coincidence that he skived the match where India’s bowlers remembered how to swing the ball. Surprisingly, this is the first time our twin obsessions have appeared on the same day.
Continue readingMatthew Hayden resorts to acupuncture
< 1 minute read Hayden’s gone down the ‘being prodded’ route in trying to recover from his hamstring injury. That’s what we’ll tell the police when they find us crouched in his garden, jabbing at a doll of his likeness with a needle: we’re aiding his recovery. While we were on holiday, the only
Continue readingA baffling Matthew Hayden quote
< 1 minute read Okay, it’s not as good as the quote that could be construed as a bit gay if you tried really hard and it’s not as succinctly meaningless as this quote, but it’s still a load of nonsense from the mouth of Matthew Hayden and for that reason it gets its
Continue readingMatthew Hayden continues to personify all that’s wrong with modern cricket
< 1 minute read Do we hate Matthew Hayden because he personifies all that’s wrong with modern cricket or do we just ascribe those traits to him because we hate him? It doesn’t matter. The important part is that we hate him. The whys and wherefores all pale into insignificance next to the sheer
Continue readingMatthew Hayden attaches a mirror to the back of his bat
< 1 minute read It’s to more closely monitor the ageing process. ‘Still a few wisps of hair at the front there. Not time to retire yet’.
Continue readingMatthew Hayden leads the way – in the wrong direction
< 1 minute read Groups for whom Matthew Hayden is a standard-bearer: Modern opening batsmen who don’t have to face proper bowling Bears who eat faces Pious turds India beat Australia in the third one-day international at Chandigarh. However, they couldn’t stop Matthew Hayden from top-scoring with 92. Hayden’s one-day record since he returned
Continue readingEngland v Australia
< 1 minute read We heard that England were playing Australia yesterday, but we didn’t pay any attention. We’re not going to bother checking, but it’s pretty safe to assume that England won handsomely. Comments to the contrary will be vigorously deleted. Yes, you can delete something ‘vigorously’ – but only when that something
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