Tag: Cricket bats in unusual places (page 3 of 4)

Send your pictures of cricket bats and other cricket stuff in unusual places to king@kingcricket.co.uk

Two cricket bats in unusually horrifying places

Nonononono. This is not happening. This is NOT happening. This is NOT… HAPPENING.

Remember the worst picture of all time? Now this is the worst picture of all time:


It was sent in by Suave, who says:

“Attached is a photo of cricket bats in unusual places. It has two stuffed weasels with it. That’s gold that is.

“It was taken in a rather poncey wine bar in Norwich, called the Wine Cellar. I was drinking a nice Pouilly Fumé at the time, and noticed this lovely display in the corner. I thought you might like it.”

No we don’t. We don’t like it one bit. We’re shivering just looking at it. Just look at the creepy little bastards – THEY’RE ACTUALLY READY TO POUNCE.

We only got the damned fox off the front page of the site yesterday and now this.

A cricket bat in an unusually HORRIFYING place

Oh shit, oh shit. Oh no, oh no, oh no.

This is quite simply the worst picture of all time.

Oh no, oh no, oh no, get it away, get it away, get it away

We are properly terrified of dead animals. We can’t stress this enough.

Show us a grizzly bear and we’ll be scared. Show us a dead grizzly bear and we will crap our pants and continue crapping our pants until it’s removed from sight. Sometimes if we see a bird and it stays still for a bit too long, we get frightened.

Stuffed animals are far and away the worst. It’s the thought that they might move. They never do, but that’s the worst part. They’re frozen with that ominous potential for movement. It’s so menacing.

Thanks to Maria for the picture. It was taken at The Inn at Whitewell, near Clitheroe. Maria says that it’s a really nice place, which it clearly – CLEARLY – isn’t.

So, to reiterate: this fox and this cricket bat – they constitute the worst picture of all time.

Send your pictures of cricket bats and other cricket stuff in unusual places to king@kingcricket.co.uk

A cricket ball in an unusual place

Ged writes:

“You might fancy the attached picture of Hippity (one of Middlesex’s most ardent fans and a well-known correspondent on Middlesex Till We Die) watching cricket while sitting on the bed with his lucky ball.

Hippity is well camouflaged for when he's in THE LAND OF TOO MANY E NUMBERS

“Given the particular controller he is using, he is clearly watching Ceefax, which is the ardent housebound county cricket fan’s font of knowledge, as you surely know.

Again the photo is mine and I can confirm that Hippity is a volunteer for the photograph.

“But perhaps a cricket ball on the bed with a green bunny is not unusual enough for you.”

Send your pictures of cricket bats and cricket stuff in unusual places to king@kingcricket.co.uk

A cricket bat at Rumtek monastery

Ged writes:

The attached photograph is a monk at the Rumtek monastery in Sikkim brandishing a cricket bat. It is my own photo and the monk enthusiastically volunteered to be photographed.

The middle stump way

Rumtek monastery is a very holy and unusual place. The monks are black hats, which is an unusual strand of Buddhism. One can only wonder at how this lad ended up in the monastery when his enthusiasms so obviously seem to lie elsewhere.

Here is a page from their website, outlinining their ‘one-day practices‘. I wonder what the monks do for first class or Test practices?

Got a picture of a cricket bat or some other cricket item in an unusual place? Send it to king@kingcricket.co.uk

A cricket bat on the cover of Vogue

Warning: The following does feature a photograph of an actual woman.

Ankit says:

The attached picture is of Preity Zinta, a Bollywood starlet, with a cricket bat, on the cover of Vogue! I thought that was quite an unusual place for a cricket bat to be.

Preity Zinta and a cricket bat

Send your pictures of cricket bats and cricket items in unusual places to king@kingcricket.co.uk

A signed cricket bat in multiple places

Send us pictures of cricket bats or other cricket stuff in unusual places to king@kingcricket.co.uk.

Miriam writes:

Here is a cricket bat in some unusual places. Specifically, here is the cricket bat signed by the Sussex team that I won through King Cricket, from a lingerie website, around my house.

1. The cricket bat is enjoying a relaxing lie-down in my drinks cabinet.

Booze bat

It is being protected from marauding children by a barrier of small alcohol miniatures.

2. The cricket bat is, as befits a bat won from a lingerie website, in my underwear drawer.

Bra bat

It’s in my “everyday” underwear draw, not my “special” underwear drawer. I am aware, by the way, that my sash window needs painting, but that’s really a summer job. I’ve also been meaning to change the handles on the chest of drawers for, like, forever.

Typical, isn’t it. You leave these things for ages and then it’s only when someone asks for pictures of a cricket bat in an unusual place that you think about them again. And now I feel inadequate. Great. The bag is not made of a real leopard, by the way, girls, so please don’t come round and throw paint at me. Unless, of course, you’d like to throw white paint on the window frame with a brush.

3. The cricket bat is now sitting up in my bed, as if it owns the place. It doesn’t. I do. Well, the bank mainly does.

Bed bat

If I were a cruder person, I’d make a joke about that being the longest, thickest, hardest piece of wood that I’ve ever had between my sheets. Luckily, I’m not that person.

A cricket hat on an unusual head

This is more like it. Pictures of cricket bats and cricket items in unusual places to king@kingcricket.co.uk please.

Dan writes:

Here is my entry for ‘cricket related things in unsual places’. The item in question is Shane Warne’s hat and the unusual place is ‘on my head’.

Clearly - CLEARLY - Shane Warne's hat

I’m a primary school teacher and took my class to Gloucestershire CCC for the day. We had a tour of the ground during which the chap who was taking us around (can’t remember his name, but for the purposes of this we’ll call him Brian) brought out a load of kit he’d been given by various players over the years when touring teams had come to Bristol. He then let all the kids try the kit on. One of the Indian children in my class was very pleased to wear Tendulkar’s pads.

Now whilst I really should have been the responsible adult and let the kids enjoy the moment, I couldn’t stop myself from joining in and quickly put Warne’s old floppy hat on my head and took a quick pic. So quick in fact that I didn’t think to make sure I had the Aussie badge in view, so you’ll just have to take my word for it I’m afraid.

A cricket bat in an ordinary place – twice

We’re getting closer, but we’re still not quite there. Send pictures of bats (or whatever) in unusual places to king@kingcricket.co.uk

Joe says:

“Here’s a picture of my cricket bat. It isn’t really in an unusual place – my hallway. It is, however, in two places at once, which I think is pretty unusual for a cricket bat.”

A less than perfect piece of willow

We asked if there was a story of EXTRAORDINARY RAGE behind its unusual appearance.

“Sadly, no. Just a rather limp medium pacer, a solid back foot push and the strange flapping sound of a previously sturdy bit of wood being held together only by two bits of bat tape. Then came a long bout of sulking.

“Rage did bubble up briefly when my wife saw it, burst out laughing and said: ‘Did you do a Ronnie O’Sullivan?’

“I calmed down hours later when I chose to believe her story that she’d deliberately confused cricket and snooker. A bit of me still isn’t sure though.”

Cricket bats that seem like they’re in unusual places


We should really have clarified this at the outset. We’d like you to send us pictures of real, actual, tangible cricket bats (or other cricket items) that are genuinely in unusual places. Send your pictures to king@kingcricket.co.uk

Kate and Tom sent us this:

It's like he's their leader

We have rather a soft spot for penguins and for the chap depicted with them, but we have a strong suspicion that this image may be doctored in some way.

We put this to Kate and Tom and they said: “We took this from our North Pole cruise ship last year. We were as surprised as anyone.”

We also got this from Ceci:

Tennis ball cricket is cricket in its purest form

Ceci didn’t even try and claim that this was real.

These shall be the only fraudulent submissions for this feature. May they stand as a warning to you (in a way that is not entirely clear).

A cricket bat on the wall of a pub

The first in our new series Cricket Bats In Unusual Places. Send your pictures of cricket bats in unusual places to king@kingcricket.co.uk (it doesn’t have to be bats).

Brian writes:

This account was written on the insistence of my counsellor. He says I have to face what I have done; to see my actions and their consequences for what they are. It is, to the best of my knowledge, true.

I am in Oxford on my holidays. I am surrounded by book readers, deep thinkers and philosophers – my kind of people. We smile at each other as we pass along the ancient streets, happy to be clever. I know for a fact that 87% of Oxford residents actively hate cricket – they did a survey. I am in heaven.

I stroll down North Parade. All is well, yet life is about to get even better. I walk past a lovely looking pub, The Rose and Crown, and hear the unmistakable, heavenly timbre of Paddy McAloon’s voice drifting out onto the street. He is singing: ‘Cowboy Dreams, you give me cowboy dreams.’ He is singing it 120 times better than Jimmy Nail sang it.

I enter and order a pint of Old Hooky. It is as soothing and comforting as the music. The pub is perfect. There is a real fire, books on a shelf and clever people sat at the bar. They have Prefab Sprout on the juke box. This is my kind of place.

And then I spot the cricket bat.

Pinned to the wall.

A cricket bat on the wall

That’s how it starts.

The barkeep notices my eyes glance towards the bat. He is round the bar faster than Mark, Howard and Jason said ‘God, yes,’ when Gary asked if they wanted to give it another go. He takes the bat down and strides towards me. Jesus have mercy on my soul: he is going to talk to me about cricket.

“This,” he says, “was donated to the pub by a lad with the nickname Goochie. Look, he signed it.” He laughs in delight. “And then the real Graham Gooch came in one night and we got him to sign it too!”

Thanks Goochie and Goochie

I remain aloof. Underneath this facade, anger is bubbling.

“Have a hold,” he says. And pushes the bat towards me.

He shoves the bat underneath my nose. “Have a sniff!” he tells me.

Anger envelops me. There is only one thing can happen.

I take the bat from him and emit a roar. I brandish the bat above my head and start with my wanton destruction of the pub. People scatter. Grown men weep in terror. I become more animal than man. Five minutes later it is finished.

I tuck the bat underneath my arm, leave the destroyed pub and go on the hunt. I will find both Goochie and the real Graham Gooch if it is the only thing in life I achieve.

Nobody ruins my holiday. Especially not a cricketer.

I have to stop now. I’m getting angry again and my counsellor tells me that won’t help with parole. It’s lights out in five minutes anyway. Maybe soon I can become calm enough to write down the rest.

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