King Cricket

< 1 minute readFor clarity, ‘around here’ means ‘the world’. The County Championship brings with it certain privileges. This year, the champions have the right to dictate what everyone in the entire world should eat for breakfast. Lancashire are champions, so there will be no more muesli, no more toast with jam, no

< 1 minute readIt’s all going to be okay. Lancashire have won the County Championship. Moments after it was confirmed, we got into our car, turned on the radio and were greeted with the perfect party music: Paranoia Man In Cheap Shit Room by The Fall – perfect if, like us, your idea

< 1 minute readWe’ve lived near Manchester Airport for most of our life and we have never seen a light in the sky quite like the one we saw last night. It was off-white, indistinct and almost certainly an alien spacecraft. Aliens have, quite understandably, come to earth to see whether Warwickshire can

2 minute readWe ate some sauerkraut last night and there was something not quite right about it. We’ve not had the jar all that long and sauerkraut keeps, so it’s a bit weird. Most of you will have reached the obvious conclusion upon hearing this news. Clearly someone, somewhere, is so impatient

< 1 minute readWe were driving home tonight and one side of the road was closed, quite possibly as a result of the earth being thrown off its axis a bit last week. There were so many people rushing home to catch the last three overs of the day that not all of

< 1 minute readThe County Championship will end this week, just so long as the world hasn’t ended before then. The excitement is ripping our reality apart at the seams. When we got up this morning, we weren’t at all surprised to find that our jumper had fallen off the back of a

< 1 minute readWe made ourself a cup of tea this morning, we started drinking it and then we went upstairs for a bit. When we came back down, the mug was empty. No-one else was in the house. We know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say that we were

< 1 minute readWe’re committed to documenting the effects of the climax of the County Championship, but we’re really starting to fear for our life now. Last night, we heard screaming outside our house. It was these two girls and they were having a MAJOR disagreement. They were so shrieky, we could only

< 1 minute readOkay, we don’t want you to worry, but things are really getting out of hand now. The nation is going FULLY MENTAL as we approach the climax of the County Championship. You’d better brace yourself, because the story that follows is pretty damn alarming. Okay, so we were buying a