< 1 minute read This is the quite unbelievable watch that Kevin Pietersen wears. You’ll never have seen him wearing it, because he doesn’t wear it when he does what he’s good at (cricket). He wears it when he’s being a normal person who’s in no way exceptional. This is a watch for when
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Do the Pietersen
< 1 minute read And then we realised that we didn’t have to write about England one-day internationals if we didn’t want to. We could just publish pictures like the one on the right instead. It’s a new dance craze. We’re calling it ‘the Pietersen’. It’s like normal dancing, only quite miraculously it’s even
Continue readingKevin Pietersen’s captaincy secret
< 1 minute read First there was the win, then there was the other win and then there was the cold, dead-eyed, relentless slaughter. England have murdered a top order before, but they rarely follow it by sweeping up the tail and leaving everywhere really nice and tidy. South Africa 85 all out and
Continue readingWe made Kevin Pietersen answer a question with the word ‘pie’
< 1 minute read We’ve never been so proud. The Wisden Cricketer requested questions from their readership and we asked: ‘Why haven’t you adopted a comedy English accent, like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins?’ After some thinking out loud, Pietersen concluded that he says ‘pie’ with a northern accent. Sometimes the stars align
Continue readingKevin Pietersen on Mark Ramprakash
< 1 minute read Not literally. That would be hideous. (No, we’re never going to spurn an opportunity to make that joke.) In this month’s issue of The Wisden Cricketer, Kevin Pietersen is asked whether Mark Ramprakash deserves a place in the England side. “You have a look at his results since the media
Continue readingKevin Pietersen’s outrageous natural talent
2 minute read We’re always suspicious of ‘natural talent’. Kevin Pietersen always seems to attract this commendation – usually from Mark Nicholas. Nicholas closes his eyes and purrs every time KP hoicks one to leg and it’s surely only a matter of time before he affixes himself to the captain’s leg like a
Continue readingWe don’t hate Kevin Pietersen
2 minute read There you go. We’ve nailed our colours to the mast and those assorted greys and beiges that you can see fluttering in the breeze indicate our lack of hatred for Kevin Peter Pietersen (yes, that’s his real middle name). More than that, we don’t quite get why so many people
Continue readingKevin Pietersen likes an occasion
< 1 minute read That was as good as a certainty, wasn’t it? Kevin Pietersen likes a big match. He must be driven by stomach butterflies or something. We’re not quite sure how that would work, because even our rudimentary scientific knowledge tells us that there aren’t actually butterflies in there. He went out
Continue readingKevin Pietersen to captain England
2 minute read Paul Collingwood’s been banned for four matches for England’s slow over rate and Kevin Pietersen‘s picked up the reigns to the haggard, lifeless horse that is the England one-day side. We’re not unhappy about this. We’ve said before that we think Kevin Pietersen would make a half-decent captain. KP said
Continue readingKevin Pietersen’s ‘new shot’
< 1 minute read Kevin Pietersen said: “That is a new shot, played today” after twice reversing his stance and whopping Scott Styris for six. No it isn’t. It’s batting left-handed. People have been batting left-handed for a while now. It’s a new approach though, even if it’s not a new shot. Is it
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